It’s been a while…

Howdy! (Not very little girl thing to say, innit..)

Wow.. I just had a look at our pageviews… We’ve hit 31k views for all time. That’s really nice. And we average out on a day to day basis pretty well. Thank you all. It means a lot that you bother to read our ramblings.

I’ve been well, on and off – big girl life has kept me extremely busy. I’ve been having the usual tangle with myself over my involvement with ABDL, but I’ve been managing it out quite well, and I’ll be still be around for a while, not to worry.

I have to announce that Lara has departed from the ABDL scene for a while (and It’s looking to be quite a while, if not forever) so it’ll be just me and you guys for now. I’ll be updating while I can but… Not sure what you guys want me to write on?! Please leave all suggestions in the comments!!

I’ve just been watching The 15-Stone Babies documentary on Youtube and I personally thought it was very well done. Maxine and Derek’s relationship is beautiful and they really have a good understanding of each other, which is what every intimate relationship should have. You can find their nursery here. The docu was shot and edited really well – kudos to all involved, especially the TV team. Clearly, British documentaries are better. ;) Also, Derek looks like a very good daddy – I’m thinking about paying him a visit already!!! Hmmm..

This is part one of the doc – let me know what you think!

Love,
Holl-balls

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Story Time: Little Girls Depend On Things Like That

So, if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’d know that I wrote a post on non-sexuality in my ageplay interactions here, and my want for it. This story that I’ve posted below, ahem, unfortunately has some sexual contact in it that contradicts everything I’ve said. However, I firmly stick by the notion that it is my first and absolute priority in my relationships and play, but if such things happen with the right people at the right time.. why not? I still hate the feeling of sexuality all the time in my play, though.

I’ve never really posted my stories online before, so this is a bit nerve-wracking. Something quick that I wrote tonight, felt inspired. This one’s for all of the little girls and daddies out there. :) Let me know in the comments if you liked it and if you want more!

Love,
Holly

PS: You can follow us on Twitter now! We’re on at @hollyandlara. We don’t know if we’re gonna tweet very much, but you can certainly get updated on our new posts from there if you like!

Continue reading

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A lil update

I apologize for the deadness of our blog. Holly and I have been consumed by school, but besides that, as of late our social (abdl) life hasn’t had much happening either.

I figured I’ll just post something I’ve written a while back to keep this blog going, it has a different pace from my earlier story, I hope you guys like it.

—-

She opened the door to their house, feeling utterly defeated from the rough day she had at school. Dropping her bags loudly with a thud on the carpeted floor, while making her way to the living room and plopped herself down onto the sofa, sinking her body lower as she heaved a sigh.

He swivels his chair around from the study desk and raised his eyebrows at the frail figure who seem to be sliding off the sofa by the minute. Not saying a word, he got up and walked towards her, she was so zoned out that she barely noticed anything besides the aching sensation in her shoulders from carrying too much stuff.

He sat down on the sofa on the opposite end of where she was. He picked her up swiftly and sat her on his lap, leaning back. She gasped as she felt her feet being lifted off the ground and a look of confusion ran cross her face for a split second before he sat her down on his lap. “Oh” she mumbled as she found herself leaning on his chest at the end of it.

“Rough day huh?”, he looks down at her curiously with his hands folded behind his head. She could only nod and buries her head closer to his chest. He removes one hand from behind and runs it down underneath the plaid blue skirt she was wearing and slipped two fingers into the diaper he had put her in, earlier this morning before getting her dressed for class. It was still dry. It shouldn’t be.

He looks at her with a look of worry now, “Baby, you’re still dry, had you had anything to drink today?”. “Umm” shrugging her shoulders with her eyes closed, she mumbled “I don’t know, i dont remember, maybe a glass of ice tea?” His eyebrows furrowed in frustration, he knew his little girl always forgets to take care of herself when she gets too overwhelmed with work. Reaching out, he grabbed Ace who was on the arm chair just beside him, he placed the cherished stuff dog in her arms and slowly eased himself out underneath her, “i’ll be right back”.

He walked straight into the kitchen opened the fridge, pulled out a carton of milk, poured it into a kettle and set it to boil. While waiting for it, he opened the cardboards above and pulled out a baby’s bottle, pouring the warm milk into it before screwing the tip on.

He found her curled up into a fetal position when he got back to the living room and smiled, he pulled her gently into his arms and nudged the bottle into her lips. She groggily opened her eyes and looked at him and at the bottle that’s in front of her and begin to drink from it. One of the rules was when given a bottle she had to finish it regardless. She felt him stroking her hair as she drank greedily, she didn’t realized how dehydrated and thirsty she was till now.

His free hand moved slowly down to the white blouse she was wearing and begin to rub at one of her nipples. She whined as she felt him doing it. Ignoring her, he unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and ran a finger over her left nipple pinching in a little. She squirmed in his lap while he teased her and looked up him a little frustrated, seeing her expression he grinned and begin to tease her even more.

She soon polished off and bottle and looked at him, “Daddy, what’re you doing?” “Mmm, just checking my little girl” he replied while rubbing her nipples with both of his hands now. She let out a whine as she wriggled around from pleasure while he had his way with her. Slowly she felt a strain on her bladder and started to get up, he pulled her back when he realized what she was doing, “Going somewhere?” “Mmm I have got to go potty daddy” she said in her little girl voice. “Mmhmm, did you ask daddy? did he say yes?” he gave her a light smack on her diapered bottom as he questioned her. She shook her head quickly and asked if she could go potty.

He straddled her as she asked, pinning her hands at the top of her head, while leaning his face down to her tits, “I’m not done with the checkup yet baby, so you just gotta hold on and show daddy you can be a big girl.”. He leaned down and licked her nipple taking it in his mouth, she writhed as he teased her, trying her hardest at the same time to hold it in but she really had to go. He trailed wet kisses down her to her abdomen and up again, lavishing attention to her breasts, coming up for a kiss once in a while. She felt a little pee leaked into the diaper, slowly streaming out before her bladder gave in and pee gushed out. She gasped as she felt it and looked at him pouting when she was done. He grinned and kissed her on the lips before sweeping her up in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom.

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Of non-sexuality

This entry contains solely the view of me, Holly, and not the both of us (definitely not Lara..) and does not necessarily reflect the views of members of the ageplay community. I do not mean to insult or belittle the wants of others, but writing this I discuss my own thoughts and feelings.

All the content on this site is solely to do with age play and AB/DL and is done with consenting adults. No real children/babies are involved or insinuated and  this site does NOT, and will NOT, have ANYTHING to do with minors under the legal consenting age.

More often than not, I feel like a black sheep when I discuss my need for strictly non-sexual elements in ABDL play, especially daddy and little girl.

Me: “I’d give up sex. Sex over being having daddy to take care of me as a little girl.”
Lara: “You’re crazy and I’m calling you bullshit.”

Okay, not really, but I just might if I had a gun pointed to my head.

Before I get written off as a crazy prude, I have to admit, I do love sex. I love good, bone shaking orgasms, and I love intimate contact with both men and women. And yes, other fetishes as well – bondage and handcuffs and humiliation and many other things. And I’m still looking to explore. That’s me being a big girl, a grown bisexual genderqueer adult.. But between being me as a little girl, I don’t want that.

Innocence. When I am a little girl with her daddy, I don’t want to have to deal with adult things, I want to just be young and carefree. I don’t want to have to go into a room and be chained up while a daddydom is making me suck their ‘baby bottle’ and swallow all of the liquid. It’s just not me. I’d prefer to be an innocent child with no sexual innuendos involved in the process. Just being little and having a really nice, relaxing, stress-free time. And it’s really just me, but – I feel dirty. I’d like to have a chance to be a child again, to rewrite my own traumatising childhood*** with better memories – and having to give a blowjob is not something you’d make a child do. In that case, it’s me pretending to be a child.

But the question always really comes up – then how does it classify as a fetish? Does my activity in such an reflect my subconscious desires, that I do have a sexual need that underlies under all of it?

The question is, I still don’t know. And I struggle with it frequently. I would say a large amount of the people I’ve come across involved in this activity involve sexual elements in their play, which has prevented me from playing with a lot of people when I’m solely wanting to play as little girl.

Does this make sense? That I admit to being extremely emotionally needy. That I just want a shot at a past that I’ve never had. I’ve been purging for a very long time.. Almost a year.. since my last break up. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s had some benefits which allow me to think about what I really want in my life at the moment, and that’s just to really find someone nice, loving and caring to curl up into and look after me, and protect me without sexual aspect of it.. and sticking to that ideal in my life hasn’t been easy, either. And I know this is a very bad generalization.. but most of the daddies that I’ve come across have sexual needs that they would like to fulfill in that area. It’s not wrong, but it severely limits who I can play with. And sometimes, I don’t blame them for not wanting a little girl who’s non-sexual about it, because if you really think about it in that aspect.. who would really want to look after a little girl who’s not interested in the sexual element?

So without the sexual element, does that still make me into this fetish? Or does that make me an adult who just wants to be a baby again? Where and how are these lines drawn?

Sigh. I sound so jaded. I guess I am. Maybe I’ll change this feeling in a while.

***I do absolutely nothing for the social stigma that ALL AB/DLs have had bad childhood pasts and that’s why they’re that way. Yes, I did have a horrible childhood and now I spend my adult life trying to recreate what I didn’t have. (Oh, you can smell the bitterness from a mile away..)

xo,
Holly

Posted in daddy and little girl, LG, Life, Rant | 10 Comments

Closeness (A poem and a longing)

A soft kiss
A sweet whisper.
A brush of your rough fingers against my face.
Tilting my chin, staring right into my eyes.
The corners of your mouth raises and you pull me close.
Embracing me tightly against your body.
Warm, Cold. I shivered at the contrast in temperatures.
I was always cold, and alone. You were.. warm. giving. loving.
Everything I never had, never dared thought of, because I knew,
I was undeserving.
You held me fiercely, refusing to let go.
I laid my head blissfully against your chest,
content to be right here, right now,
next to your heartbeat.
Hearing it.. feels like a testament of how real this is.
How real you are.
I closed my eyes and deeply inhaled your scent
— the scent that always comforts me
because I know you’re here beside me no matter what.
Musk, woody, vanilla scented.
I couldn’t explain it.
It was manly yet with a hint of softness.
Just like the way you are.
Strong, dominant yet gentle when I’m at my most vulnerable.
I could lay here forever, and just forget the world.
As long as it’s with you.
….
Sometimes…, I just want to be held.
(by a man that I’m not even sure exists.)

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Random thoughts

On my way to work today, I walked past a middle aged fella. He was scruffy around the chin and arms, Caucasian, blond haired and blue eyed, and leaning against a pole. As I approached him, I met his eyes briefly with the most peculiar look on his face, before I looked away. (Not sure why he had that look on his face.) Within the 5 meter radius that I walked toward and away from him, I managed to sneak in what it would be like if he were my Daddydom.

I could actually see it, he was.. the type. You know? We all have our ‘types’ of partners that we prefer and he kind of fell into that category for me. So much so that as I walked away, I had to do a double take over my shoulder…

So for that brief few moments, it was nice. Wistful. I hope I’m not looking or getting too desperate… Any of you can relate?

xx

Holly

(PS: I am well aware that I’ve been contributing much less than Lara, but I’ve had a awful lot of issues going on in my adult life lately and simply do not/prefer not to deal with ABDL too much right now)

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A Change

‘Nooooo!’ I shouted defiantly and crossed my arms as you had just told me that I was going to be put back in diapers for the unforeseeable future until I could prove myself as big girl.

‘I don’t want to wear them, I’m a big girl’ I stated, making my case. I knew I was being a brat but I didn’t care. I really didn’t want to be regressed from pull ups to diapers, it wasn’t fair.

Daddy easily towered over my 5’1 frame as he stood in front of me, while I was throwing my tantrum.
‘Oh really? Big girls don’t go pee pee in their little girl panties (pull ups) and wet daddy’s laps do they?’ daddy placed his hand on the front of my soaked pull up and pressed it against me, holding it there as though the shame of it hanging flimpsly off my waist wasn’t enough. The cold and clammy pull ups was pressed tightly against my pussy making me squirm. I looked at him then at the wet patch on his jeans.

I hung my head in shame, staring at my feet, unable to do anything but pout. I knew deep down what Daddy said was true but still, ‘…. it was an accident… I didn’t mean it’ I whined.

He let out a sigh as he saw me lower my head, breaking the strong eye contract I had earlier. He gently cupped my chin and tilted it so I was looking straight into his eyes as he spoke, ‘Shhhhs, I know baby, it’s okay. Let’s get you cleaned up alright?’. He planted a kiss on my forehead before scoping me up in his arms and made his way upstairs to our bedroom.

Daddy opened the door and laid me down on our bed, before turning around to the dresser.. my little girl dresser where he kept all of my supplies. I bit my bottom lip as I looked at his back, wondering what sort of punishment I’d be in for throwing that tantrum earlier on, on top of the accident.

As daddy placed the supplies down, i briefly caught a glimpse of a bambino diaper and changing supplies. He grabbed my ankles and lifted my bottom off the bed as he slide the changing mat underneath me. ‘Rippppp’, off came the soaked pull up as he tore them away at the sides. I looked down as he did, ashamed that I was the one who put myself in a such a situation. If only I had remember to go potty before we started the movie… I do remember vaguely daddy asking me if I had to go but I told him I didn’t. I was kicking myself mentally at that moment.

While I was caught up in my train of thoughts, daddy had already wiped me clean, powdered me throughly and was just taping up the last tape of my diaper snugly around my waist. ‘All done sweetie’ he said as he pulled me up. I sat on the bed, staring at my infantile underwear, feeling odd as it felt different from what it usually feels like. I looked at daddy puzzled, he smiled as he saw the look on my face.

‘I added a booster pad in your diaper so it would hold more, after the last accident, daddy doesn’t want any more wet pants. I’m running out jeans to wear thanks to a certain little girl.’ He teased, reminding me of what happened earlier. I pouted, a little upset that I didn’t notice him putting it in or I could have stopped him, the diaper puffed out from between my legs forcing them open. I swear I couldn’t have closed them no matter how hard I tried. I whined unhappy at the state I was in, it made me feel really little. Daddy leaned down and hugged me, whispering in my ear that it was going to be okay and that he still loves me whether if I was big girl or not. I warped my arms around him for comfort, feeling extremely vulnerable to the world. He sensed it, and knew what I needed. He held me in his arms, rocking me slowly and as I calmed down before pulling back a little and asked, ‘You ready for your nap-time bottle now? I think someone needs a nap after today’s events’. I nodded, a bottle sounded nice plus I didn’t feel like I was ready to be up or out anywhere in my diaper just yet.

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