-takes a deep breath- Okay, I am going to attempt to write this. Why out of all the fetishes and lifestyles, why abdl? Why a little girl? The thing is, we don’t get to choose, it chose us. From the little bits and parts of childhood to growing up, affects us.
Personally for me, as a child, the youngest one at that, I was always dotted upon and spoiled. I was a brat to say to the least, whatever materialistic item I wanted, I’d have gotten it. Both my parents work full time and that left me in the care of a nanny. When I said whatever I wanted, I’d have gotten it, well almost everything except my parent’s attention, especially my dad’s.
Little girls and their daddies have a special bond, the same way that little boys and their mummies have one. A little girl knows that even when she’s scared to her wits, there’s daddy to depend on. He’s her rock, her foundation of her whole world. When he’s around and provides the reassurance that everything will be fine, her world becomes a haven. Everything is right again, because she trusts him and believes that her daddy can and would do anything to protect her.
I’ve always longed for that special bond, that extra something. My father was a man of few words, when he does speak; his words aren’t gentle or kind. I supposed that affected me a lot growing up. I was constantly fighting, giving my 200% to gain his approval, only to be met with failure every time. I guess to put it bluntly; he was like the boy in daycare whom I liked and wanted to go on the seesaw with so badly but never gave me the time of the day.
My siblings were significantly older, which resulted me in having to grow up fast. By the time I was 12, I was compelled to act and behave more maturely than my actual age, however now being all grown up. I could see how that has affected me. I still long for daddy’s care and approval, for the love he gives. I know I’ll never get it out of my old man and I don’t exactly want to, because this is more than just a psychological thing. It’s part of my lifestyle, of who I am. All the little, little girl urges that I’ve suppressed over the years, they just erupted and broke free after so long.
Believe me when we say we don’t choose this. I can assure you both Holly and I have been on a purge, at least once. In an attempt to kick this, but I have met with failure every time. I’ve come to terms that, this is who I am, and this is a part of me.
So that leaves me here, an adult woman, who regresses to her inner child from time to time, as and when her inner child feels like she wants to come out and play. An adult woman, who still seeks her daddy’s love and approval. An adult woman, when in little mode, would do anything in the world to make her daddy happy, because he’s the center of her universe, just as she is his’.