It’s hard balancing little girl time with my big girl life. These two sides of me are very much a singular part of me, if that makes sense. There is no big girl lara without the little girl lara.
I have this front that I put up everyday, so much that it feels like this is almost who I am. The front of being this self-sufficient, independent, motivated, determined college student/girl/worker. I feel like the only reason I am able to do that is because when little girl lara slips out, she is able to let go completely and it is as though the outside world doesn’t exist. It’s an indulgence for me. The only reason I work as hard as I do (well I like to think I work pretty hard, though sometimes it still isnt enough. Ask Holly if you need to lol, she’s always on the receiving end of my rants.) is because big girl lara knows that when its all over, she can take a rest when little lara comes out to play.
For me, abdl is a very big part of my life. I don’t try to deny my urges or who I am, but it gets extremely hard when there is no one to share that part of myself with. I suppose it is equally hard for daddies without little girls as well. There are times when I’d really like to give up, pretend that I don’t need this, I don’t want it and have a relationship with a boy. I mean what’s the point of being a little girl, when there’s no one to take care of you? There comes a breaking point where I can only take so much of ‘play time’/regressing by myself. I guess the weaker side of me is sick of being so alone and lonely all the time and wants to give up. Wave the white flag, in hopes of it being seen and being ‘rescued’ or whatever.
I don’t exactly know what the point of my post this, I guess this is just me baring my frustrations. Perhaps I’ll be better in the morning.