Friends, lovers or Nothing.

So lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot, or rather more so recently after Holly and I had our heart to heart talks about.. what is it like being a little girl without a daddy.

I am not going to go into the nitty gritty details and tell you how hard it is going to be, because I’m sure it’s hard for anyone, on any side of the spectrum, little girls, ABs, Daddies, Mommies. If this is part of you, and not just a kink, you’ll understand how important it is to find that person.

This isn’t about the search for that person, because honestly holly and I, we’re still searching. Somewhat doubtful, sometimes scared and even losing faith but in the end, we can only truck on.

I guess what I want to talk about is, personally for me, how… easy it is for me to start relying on someone, once I’ve let them in and let them assume the daddy role. After all, I’d like to think that my ex daddy left me because I was too clingy rather than I wasn’t good enough for him. Digressing but anyways. As long as he know the right buttons to push, and a part of you opens up, lets go and cave a little, that is it. I’m almost as good as gone. One of the pains of being a single little girl for so long is, once you had a taste of what it feels like, you want it more. It’s like a drug addiction, I can’t seem to kick, once little lick and I lose myself.

You tell yourself, it doesn’t matter, this person shouldn’t matter so much to you, but honestly who are you kidding. You grin stupidly to yourself, when you talk to him, see him. This person makes you.. feel comfortable, and he makes you smile. He doesn’t ask much of you except for you to just be yourself. He thinks you’re perfect the way you are.

Do you see why it’s so hard to get rid of him now?

You’re scared to death that any longer and you’d start depending on this person more so than you should, more than it is natural to. No one else should be responsible for your happiness, at least from an adult point of view. But when you’re in little mode, that doesn’t click in your mind, because you know daddy is responsible for you.

How do you create a buffer-zone with the person you’re suppose to entrust yourself to? How do you keep your feelings neutral when you’re unsure where it’s headed? How do you keep a part of yourself that’s still big enough that it doesn’t hurt as much if it ends?

Because honest to god, I’m scared. I’ve lost myself once, I don’t want the same thing to happen again. After all, once bitten, twice shunned.

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go
ā€” John Mayer

Advertisements
This entry was posted in LG, Life, Rant. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Friends, lovers or Nothing.

  1. Corrine says:

    Wow, this was very intense, and a little frightening, I will admit. I can totally imagine all that happening to me, just as you described, and I haven’t even ever had a ‘Daddy’. I hate putting that in quotes, but it seems a bit like saying I don’t have a father, even though he doesn’t hold that nickname. (Indeed, I have no memories of a time when I called him that, though I know I did at some point. Must have stopped early.)

    But I digress. Even forming a connection online with an ‘other half’–a dominant to your submissive, a Daddy/Mommy to your Little Girl, etc.–is a very powerful thing. And it is probably true that the little will feel a lot more invested in the relationship than the big, just because of the lack of boundaries a little has in regressed form. When regressed, the same walls that keep us safe, our emotions safeguarded, our enthusiasm curbed… All those melt away, leaving only a vulnerable little girl who wishes only to be happy and make the big happy.
    –> Now, I should here note that this has not happened in its entirety for me. I have trouble regressing very deeply, and I snap out of it very quickly; since I do not live by myself, there is always some portion of me on alert, ready to make everything look normal at the slightest sound. Thus, although some barriers melt, I still retain many others. Although my immediate impulses are little, there is still a voice of varying strength asking me what the hell I’m doing. (*Wiggling* and *giggling* at my age? How preposterous! :P)

    So now that I’ve gone all off-track ranting in circles, I suppose I ought to address the blog at hand some more. You seem to be aware that it is perhaps not the best idea to throw oneself head-first into a starting relationship, lest the waters be shallow. However, you are also aware of a strong temptation to do so.
    –> All I can say, with my lack of experience, is that next time you start such a powerful relationship: Take It Slowly. It will be difficult, no doubt, but perhaps you will gain more confidence in the solidity of the foundations of the relationship before making tenacious connections. Perhaps allow yourselves ample time to get to know one another as adults before slowly slipping in the little, after discussion. Discuss your fears of all this that you have here detailed. Maybe even link them to this, for you have described it so very well. Let the person know that you feel you are clingy in a relationship, and that your last partner may have thought so as well. (Of course, perhaps the next Daddy shall be equally clingy, and you can be adorable and sweet together, and give everyone else toothaches :P)

    I wish you contentment, security, and happiness in your future relationships and endeavors. Be well.

    Corrine

    • holly says:

      “All those melt away, leaving only a vulnerable little girl who wishes only to be happy and make the big happy.
      ā€“> Now, I should here note that this has not happened in its entirety for me. I have trouble regressing very deeply, and I snap out of it very quickly; since I do not live by myself, there is always some portion of me on alert, ready to make everything look normal at the slightest sound. Thus, although some barriers melt, I still retain many others. Although my immediate impulses are little, there is still a voice of varying strength asking me what the hell Iā€™m doing.”

      You speak my mind… I think, more so since I’ve been on the wavering purge for about two years now. Still not quite as comfortable with the LG side of me as I have thought. Thank you for sharing. glad we make you feel not alone. xx

      – Holly

    • Lara says:

      Hey Corrine,

      Thanks for replying, I can’t relate not being able to regress completely even though I still live with my parents, when my door is locked, it’s pretty much my own world for me though I’m sure Holly is able to relate with what you mentioned.

      But yes taking it slow is ideal but I suppose sometimes, the person comes along and knock you off your feet. Or just blows you away after the crappy relationship I had with men, it seems that I’m… easy when a sweet guy comes along. I like the idea of having the next Daddy as equally clingy but hopefully only when he’s in Daddy mood. Oddly enough, I am rather independent as a Big girl.

      thank you for your wishes, I wish the same for you as well šŸ™‚

      xo
      Lara

  2. Femsup says:

    What is demonstrated here is that even when self identifying as a little one you all have very adult and complex and deep thinking on the matter.Such emotional maturity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s