This entry contains solely the view of me, Holly, and not the both of us (definitely not Lara..) and does not necessarily reflect the views of members of the ageplay community. I do not mean to insult or belittle the wants of others, but writing this I discuss my own thoughts and feelings.
All the content on this site is solely to do with age play and AB/DL and is done with consenting adults. No real children/babies are involved or insinuated and this site does NOT, and will NOT, have ANYTHING to do with minors under the legal consenting age.
More often than not, I feel like a black sheep when I discuss my need for strictly non-sexual elements in ABDL play, especially daddy and little girl.
Me: “I’d give up sex. Sex over being having daddy to take care of me as a little girl.”
Lara: “You’re crazy and I’m calling you bullshit.”
Okay, not really, but I just might if I had a gun pointed to my head.
Before I get written off as a crazy prude, I have to admit, I do love sex. I love good, bone shaking orgasms, and I love intimate contact with both men and women. And yes, other fetishes as well – bondage and handcuffs and humiliation and many other things. And I’m still looking to explore. That’s me being a big girl, a grown bisexual genderqueer adult.. But between being me as a little girl, I don’t want that.
Innocence. When I am a little girl with her daddy, I don’t want to have to deal with adult things, I want to just be young and carefree. I don’t want to have to go into a room and be chained up while a daddydom is making me suck their ‘baby bottle’ and swallow all of the liquid. It’s just not me. I’d prefer to be an innocent child with no sexual innuendos involved in the process. Just being little and having a really nice, relaxing, stress-free time. And it’s really just me, but – I feel dirty. I’d like to have a chance to be a child again, to rewrite my own traumatising childhood*** with better memories – and having to give a blowjob is not something you’d make a child do. In that case, it’s me pretending to be a child.
But the question always really comes up – then how does it classify as a fetish? Does my activity in such an reflect my subconscious desires, that I do have a sexual need that underlies under all of it?
The question is, I still don’t know. And I struggle with it frequently. I would say a large amount of the people I’ve come across involved in this activity involve sexual elements in their play, which has prevented me from playing with a lot of people when I’m solely wanting to play as little girl.
Does this make sense? That I admit to being extremely emotionally needy. That I just want a shot at a past that I’ve never had. I’ve been purging for a very long time.. Almost a year.. since my last break up. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s had some benefits which allow me to think about what I really want in my life at the moment, and that’s just to really find someone nice, loving and caring to curl up into and look after me, and protect me without sexual aspect of it.. and sticking to that ideal in my life hasn’t been easy, either. And I know this is a very bad generalization.. but most of the daddies that I’ve come across have sexual needs that they would like to fulfill in that area. It’s not wrong, but it severely limits who I can play with. And sometimes, I don’t blame them for not wanting a little girl who’s non-sexual about it, because if you really think about it in that aspect.. who would really want to look after a little girl who’s not interested in the sexual element?
So without the sexual element, does that still make me into this fetish? Or does that make me an adult who just wants to be a baby again? Where and how are these lines drawn?
Sigh. I sound so jaded. I guess I am. Maybe I’ll change this feeling in a while.
***I do absolutely nothing for the social stigma that ALL AB/DLs have had bad childhood pasts and that’s why they’re that way. Yes, I did have a horrible childhood and now I spend my adult life trying to recreate what I didn’t have. (Oh, you can smell the bitterness from a mile away..)